Transitions - A Month Later

I must say its quite strange being home. My first week was a flurry of activity. Work was still hectic, Christmas just a week away, and catching up with lots of people. I've never felt more loved as the most constant phrases I heard were "Its so good to see you", "We've really missed you", "We're so glad you're finally home". I didn't really have time to miss London that first week. I mean I suppose I did a bit, but it merely felt like I was on home leave, soon to return.

The second week home was also a delight. I went to CT to visit my family for Christmas and got lots of quality time with my nieces. Later in the week I went to NJ to my aunt's, where I got to see my grandmother and my cousins, who I hadn't seen in about three years. Its interesting with them. I wouldn't consider us close, but when we get together, we just really enjoy each other. I guess that's the cool thing about families. You're always family, no matter how time passes, the distance, that lack of chat. You can always come back because you're permanently tied. Not like friendships, where its far harder and the desire and effort must exist.

Which I guess brings me to week three. By New Years I was really missing London. It was such a strange feeling because I knew VA is where I'm to be, it is home, but I was homesick all the time. I just love London, the feel of it, the culture, my river. I spent a great portion of that week sorting photos and working on my album. I'd smile at the faces of people I'd enjoyed in London... folks I was already losing touch with. And yet at home, my real home in Virginia, my week continued to be blessed with person after person wanting to see me and catch up. Oh, I'm sooo blessed to have the people I do in my life in Virginia. God is so good.

I did make an interesting realization. I believe part of my homesickness is knowing I've no where to run. The novelty of me in Virginia in the last year was as if I was always on vacation. I never had to think about my future, deal with house matters, worry about my problems, settle into singleness, be troubled by traffic and the madness of DC, figure out my job, worry about the quality of my friendships. I'd be gone too quickly. I always had my London to go when I didn't want to think about my real life. My real life sat on a shelf for a year, while I experienced this other wonderful parallel reality. Now, I'm home. There's no where to run. I have to be here and figure it all out. Somehow though, I feel my time in London has better equipped me to figure it all out. This past week has been good, as I began sorting out my life. Maybe it won't be as hard as a I thought. I'm a different person. A stronger person. A more confident and optimistic person. I want to embrace life and live it to its fullest. Maybe that was the whole issue before. I'd grown stale... and now I'm vibrant.

As I settle in though, its still no less disappointing to now watch life in London going on without me. In just a month, its as if I've been forgotten. I did not have the depth of relationships in London, to make them miss me. One friend actually came out and said (paraphrased) that the distance was too much trouble. I should expect little in maintaining our friendship and there was no point in deepening it. Wow. That really sucked. But I suppose I should have expected it. They don't know me like those in VA do. Those in VA missed me b/c I'm a treasure to them. In London, I was not much more than another face they never bothered to invest in deeply. I do believed they enjoyed me, even immensely, while I was there (and I them), but in a world where relationships seem temporal, even disposable, and very much based on convenience, most just don't stick. We all move on, and surely, out of sight is often really out of mind. They only last if we deem them valuable enough to fight for. A year away has surely shown me that I have these type of friendships in VA.

I don't mean to make this all sound so sad, because in truth, God is giving me a peace about it. Maybe that's why I write about it, because we all need to find a way to be peaceful amidst great change. I'm learning to be content in the moment. I am thankful for the past, the season I had in London, and all the people that made it what it was. But it does indeed seem it is time to move on. I know that God has great things in store for me this year, I only need wait and see. And London, oh London, will always have a cherished place in my memory and a piece of my heart.

2008 offers all the hope in the world. Each year is so special, be them ever so different. Lord Jesus, I embrace whatever you have for me this year. I thank you for all the people in my life and I pray you continue to direct me into the lives you'd have for me this year and visa versa. May I be a blessing. May you bring me blessing. AMEN!